Emotions Hijack Logic
How are you feeling? That’s how I begin most conversations in this time of global pandemic uncertainty. As the news of Coronavirus developed and my realization of its seriousness set in, my life transformed from weekends at toddler gymnastics practice, date night karaoke plans with friends and church service, to zoom call happy hours, solo workouts, and endless time indoors. Weeks into self-quarantine, I look back amazed at how quickly and fully emotions hijacked my rational thinking. Everyone in my household was safe and healthy, we had enough toilet paper and our cupboards were full, but on some level, I was still afraid. Painful experiences I thought I resolved years ago and new realizations about difficult aspects of my life rose to the surface. To cope, I comforted myself with chocolate chunk cookies and although I walked over 10,000 steps most days, I still gained weight. 24/7 news coverage and social media binges opened me up to overwhelm and whenever I tried to write about what I was feeling, days would pass by and my journal pages remained empty.
My healthy coping mechanisms of exercise and journaling were no match for my body’s fear response and understandably so. Psychiatrist and trauma researcher Bessel van der Kolk has said, “When people are seized by emotions, they stop listening to reason.” Gallup’s State of the American Workplace research concluded that, “People make decisions based on both reason and emotion, but they are more likely to be led by emotion.” This is the way humans are designed and yet, our culture desensitizes the importance and power of our emotions and prioritizes logical thought, data and analysis when it comes to the choices and decisions we make.
We learn that as long as we have as much information as possible about external circumstances, exert our will power and think logically, we can accept reality and deal with whatever life throws our way. Sentiments to not let emotions get the best of us are reinforced at every turn with directives to deal with it, toughen up, move forward, focus on the positive, stay in gratitude and put trust in a higher power that everything will be alright. At what point during those directives are emotions addressed and processed in healthy ways? Is it enough to support ourselves and each other in the belief that with the right amount of structure, logic, and fortitude, our lives will come together, eventually? It’s more likely that when, not if, people succumb to their emotions, they are faulted as being weak, not intelligent, lacking in will power or quality of character. If we, our families, circles of influence, networks and society understood and accepted that logic, willpower and analysis only comprise around 10% of our brain power while the other 90% is driven by subconscious programming connected to our emotions, habits, and survival instincts, we would possibly be more compassionate towards ourselves and others when we fall short of expectations and goals.
My appeal to acknowledge the nature, power and humanity of our emotions directly ties to the potential for us to experience our best quality lives and physical wellness. Thought leaders, medical professionals and wellness advocates must say more about the ways poor emotional health leads to chronic health conditions like heart disease, digestive trouble, headaches, insomnia, sexual dysfunction, weight problems, autoimmune disorders and more. Instead, our culture’s accepted narrative is that those conditions come as a result of heredity, diet, moral failings, circumstances and age alone and emotions never enter the conversation.
Can you relate to coping and managing your emotions in one or a combination of these ways?
I resist, repress or suppress my emotions. This looks like avoidance or escape by staying busy (working, achieving, shopping, volunteering, parenting, spousing, smoking, sexing, you name it), eating my feelings, scrolling social media for hours and marathon TV binges. “Sadly, this limits our ability to feel pleasure along with pain. It puts a strain on all personal relationships. It might even help to create chronic health issues.”
I ruminate over my emotions. I spend a lot of time thinking about what I’m feeling and use logic to make sense of my situation. The analysis runs on a perpetual loop in my head and I find myself experiencing the same unhealthy patterns and cycles in my life for long stretches of time. “This is the essence of what it means to struggle against emotions.”
I project my emotions. This one is a little tricky because it reflects a lack of self-awareness so I’m not always aware when I do this. It’s a defense mechanism I use to cope with feelings and emotions that I have trouble expressing or coming to terms with. For instance, someone who’s projecting might say, “My coworkers don’t like me,” which may be based on insecurities about fitting in which is more difficult to accept and work to improve.
I erupt my emotions. This looks like being seemingly calm and having it all together until suddenly, I have a tantrum, explosion, meltdown or breakdown out of nowhere. This happens when emotions go unexpressed and build up over time, then all hell breaks loose and destructive consequences result.
Over time, these coping strategies collect in a reservoir of unprocessed emotions that show up as stress and painful limitations in our daily lives. However, they don’t have to be our only options for managing our emotions. With courage and vulnerability, we can learn new ways to regulate them so that we live more enjoyable lives, adapt to change more easily, respond to crises more gracefully and improve all aspects of our health - physical, financial and otherwise.
Those who understand these connections must educate and bridge the gap so that we integrate this understanding into our homes, educational systems, work culture and institutions of faith to learn and reinforce emotional regulation and management in the best interest of ourselves and everyone we touch. Maybe then, our knee jerk reactions to ignore, downplay, despise, numb, deny or focus on any and everything else to distract ourselves from emotions can be rewired to acknowledge, name, reframe, release, empower and heal them instead.
Stress weakens our immune systems and the National Institute of Occupational Safety and Health reports that 60% of doctors’ visits are from stress-related complaints or illness. In the era of Coronavirus, we need our immune systems to be as strong as possible. When we add global pandemics to an already stressful, emotionally irregulated lifestyle, health challenges become inevitable, but we don’t have to accept this as a normal way of life. We can make a better choice!
Take steps towards discovering what emotional wellness and empowerment look like for you, especially now when a healthy body helps you survive an airborne plague. To help, read about healthy ways to process emotions and download resources to learn ways to manage your emotional health and share them with people you love. “Our Internal, emotional regulatory processes not only preserve our lives but actually shape our greatest cultural accomplishments.” If being #AloneTogether has taught us anything, it’s that caring for our individual health directly impacts our families, communities and even the world. Now is the best time to heal your relationship with your own emotions to live the fullest expression of your miraculous, beautiful life.
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Are you interested in learning simple, practical, effective ways to regulate your emotions? Schedule a discovery call with me or Answer a few, quick questions and I’ll send you information about a resource I’m developing. For healthy tips you can use right now, download my free Emotional Support Guide.
Keshawn Hughes is a strategic communicator, wellness advocate and neuroscience enthusiast. She helps individuals and organizations improve their lives and business outcomes by providing practical methods and data-based principles along with lessons from her own personal and professional development journey. Learn more about Keshawn and ways to optimize your life at keshawnhughes.com.